May 22nd.

In Ireland there is currently a debate which is heating up the country to boiling point, so much so that I myself have found myself to be growing apart from people I was previously quite friendly with over different views on this debate. The equal marriage referendum. Where gay and lesbian couples can marry the same way that a heterosexual couple can and don’t have to settle for a civil partnership. This would bring further equality to our country and this is why I feel like this is so important;

 When I was in fourth class our teacher got us to make puppets for art out of  toilet rolls, scraps of material and a bit of paint. I made Elvis, another girl made Avril Lavigne and another girl made a very blond and very pink Reese Witherspoon as her Character from the movie Legally Blond. When we made these characters we had to write up a little paragraph to go with them. The usual stuff like who they are, what they do and what they like to eat or some other little bit of trivia. We then had to present these in front of our class. When I got up I talked about how I  (speaking in the first person as my somewhat unimpressive Elvis puppet) was the king of rock and roll and how I loved my signature hair do, when the girl who made a significantly more impressive Avril Lavigne got up she talked about how she liked wearing ties and she was from Canada and loved skater boys and then the girl who made Legally Blond’s naïve but fashionable sorority girl Elle Woods got up to speak. She spoke about how she was a lawyer and her favourite colour was pink and how she got into Harvard and how she had a dog, a Chihuahua named Bruiser. Then the girl stopped talking and looked at the teacher sheepishly and asked

“Is it ok if I say this next bit?” 

The teacher looked at what the girl had written, smiled and nodded her head. The girl then giggled and with a big grin on her face like any child who felt like they were getting to do something bold would have she said

 “Bruiser is gay.” 

And the room of ten year old girls erupted into squeals and laughter, myself included in this because “gay” was a bad word. A naughty word. A word you wouldn’t say in front of a teacher. How was that ok? How did a child of ten think that it wasn’t ok to say that a fictional Chihuahua was gay because it was so scandalous that she felt the need to ask the teacher. Of course I’m not saying that girl was wrong, she was ten. To her Santa was alive and well and babies walked out through a door that appeared in their moms belly button. But that’s the way Ireland was and that was only 9 years ago.

The next time I encountered the G word was in 5^th class. I was that girl in the class who had short hair, hated dresses, watched Pokemon and loved nothing more than getting straight up filthy in mud after playing outside. And when you’re 11 the awkward phase begins, you start feeling things you didn’t before, and comments about your looks offend you and you might try on some of your moms lipstick and topics like Bras and periods and sex come up in conversation in the corner of the school yard because someone read something somewhere or someone’s mom was particularly open about it all. And during this awkward phase, because of my short hair and my tom boyish attitude someone turned around one day and said “Sinead is a Lesbian” to which I replied “No I’m Not!” absolutely horrified that someone would suggest this. For the next 2 years it was constantly whispered that Sinead was gay or Sinead is a lesbian and if I went to hug someone suddenly I had a crush on them. I went home at night and cried, not because I felt like I was being bullied but because I was absolutely terrified.

“What if I am gay?” I used to think to myself. “What if they are all right about me?”

It was then that my 11 year old brain started thinking well I love sports, I think range rovers are cool, I wear tracksuits and runners all the time, I hate Barbie’s and Bratz dolls and I don’t own any clothes with frills or any pink on them. All of these things I felt gave everyone the impression that I liked girls so I decided to act, I wore my friends skirt to appear girly just to be mocked because it was so out of character for me, I got my mom to buy me some dresses which she was thrilled about and I started putting on some make up. Not a single one of these things made me feel comfortable and I at 11 years old sacrificed my comfort. All of this to prove that I wasn’t gay.

Now that I’m older and quite comfortable with my sexuality I can honestly say I am quite fond of boys. Although I can’t say that I 100% know that a woman won’t come along in the future and make me feel like I’m walking on stars at this moment I’m pretty heterosexual so people are going to ask why am I getting so worked up about all of this? I’m getting worked up because that girl had to ask the teacher could she say gay, I’m getting worked up because we all laughed, I’m getting worked up because I at 11 years old changed my appearance, my actions and even the shows I watched because society said it was wrong. I’m getting worked up because I at 11 years old went to bed at night terrified that there was something wrong with me. That my friends and family wouldn’t like me if there was something wrong with me, something that I was so young that I didn’t even understand enough to assure myself that there wasn’t. I am getting worked up because no 10 year old should feel like they can’t say the word gay, I am getting worked up because no 11 year old should be scared of who they are or who they might be.

This referendum won’t fix everything but it will be a step in the right direction, it will show that people of all genders and sexualities in Ireland are equal, that children don’t have to be scared to be who they are or love who they want to. So please vote yes. Vote yes for your son or your daughter or your grandchildren who shouldn’t be brought into a culture that appreciates one person’s love more than another’s. Love is an emotion, not political statement, not scripture, it is a feeling that Is necessary in every humans life. Children should be able to feel how they want to feel and have crushes on who they want to have crushes on and not be afraid that they are wrong because they are not. Nobody should have to feel like they can’t hold their lovers hand in public or bring them home to meet their family and friends and out of fear.

I know that legalising marriage for couples of all sexualities wont immediately eradicate these fears, but to improve the world we live in we need to do so one step at a time or else will be forever standing still and it is time to walk. Everyone should be allowed to experience love and everyone should be viewed as equal so that we can hand a better world down to our children and they in turn will hand an even better one down to theirs.

 

“To deny people their human rights is to challenge their very humanity”-Nelson Mandela